Introduction

This selection is included for three reasons:

1. The time period, while not pioneer days, is definitely "olden times". The hospital stay referred to is when Karl (son of Orin W. and grandson of George F. Jarvis) had diptherea, a deadly scourge that has now been all but eliminated from the U.S. and similar countries, and was confined to a bed in a hospital.
2. There is a total dearth of stories and incidents received from present day descendants of George and Ann.
3. Although my ear wiggling skills are definitely inferior to my father's, I inherited that skill and my weird sense of humor from him.

Ear-Wiggling

Karl's English class was assigned to write an essay for inclusion in the school yearbook. After struggling most of the night with weighty themes such as capital punishment, the eighteenth ammendment (prohibition), etc. he gave up and dashed this off, hoping to get a little sleep before getting up for his before school chores. The teacher gave him a "D", but the junior class voted it one of the two essays from the class to go into the yearbook.

Ear Wiggling As an Indoor Sport
(Junior--Second Prize Essay)

I am a confirmed ear wiggler. I wiggle my ears at meals, at parties, at school, and everywhere. I wiggle them all day long and my brother maintains that I wiggle them in my sleep. My family has given me up as hopeless, and my friends are tired of trying to cure me of the habit.

Some people consider ear wiggling a silly, useless thing, but it is not. One of its many uses is to amuse children. My friends know that I have some strange power over children, and this power is based on my ear wiggling. When I enter a roomful of strange children I sit down quietly until they get used to me. I then wiggle one ear and start them snickering. This breaks the ice and I can start wiggling both ears and make them appear to be turning cartwheels. This establishes me in their minds as a funny fellow, and inside of ten minutes they are all showing off their own tricks and having a grand time.

Ear wiggling is very useful as a means of passing away the time. While I was at the hospital last year I used to drum on the head of my bed until my room mate would threaten to crown me with a pillow. Finally, in my desperation, I hit on the idea of drumming silently by wiggling my ears. This solved the problem, and afterwards I would lie for hours drumming to myself. I really think that this discovery was all that kept me from going crazy.

Another of ear wiggling's many good points is the ease with which one can amuse the class without the teacher knowing it. I can be leaning over my book apparently studying very hard, but, in reality, be wiggling the ear on the side away from the teacher. Even those magnificent, lordly creatures, the seniors, have enough of the child in them to be amused by it, especially since the teacher cannot figure out what the matter is.

Ear wiggling is also useful as a defense against insects in the summer. If a fly lights on my ear or in its immediate vicinity, I can shake It off without using my hands. All I have to do is to give my ear a twitch and the fly is catapulted into space. This is very useful when one's hands are full of bundles. My ears are so well trained that they perform this office even when I am asleep, thus protecting my slumbers from being rudely broken.

If everyone is taught to keep time to music by wiggling his ears another great blessing will descend on the people. Is there anyone who has not been irritated by the person in the seat behind him at the concert who kept time to the music by drumming on his seat or by tapping the floor? If my plan is followed, all this will be done away with and the people who feel that they simply must drum can do it silently.

My years of ear wiggling have not been entirely happy for I have had to endure many persecutions and trials. I have been sent from the table for wiggling my ears at my father while he scolded me. He thought me impertinent when I was merely showing that I agreed with him. I have been sent out of the room for wiggling my ears while reciting. I was doing it unconsciously but the teacher would not believe me. These things hurt my feelings, but the crowning insult that almost made me waver in my devotion to ear wiggling came only a week ago while I was attending a meeting at church. The speaker was dull, and I was enjoying myself wiggling my ears at the girls across the aisle. Suddenly the speaker stopped, fixed me with an angry stare, and and said, "If that boy in the third row will stop advertising the fact that he looks like a donkey, I will continue my talk." That was bad enough, but it was pleasant compared to what happened when I got home that night.

Despite all these persecutions I will never give up the practice. Who knows but what some day others besides myself will recognize it as the greatest indoor sport of all time and will hold ear wiggling contests? Anyone can see how much [of an advantage] my years of training would give me. I can almost see the headlines in the papers when I win the championship: "Old Man of Ninety-eight Years Wins Ear-Wiggling Contest. Takes All Honors for Speed, Endurance, and Graceful Style." And yet some people consider my ear-wiggling a waste of time.

Karl Jarvis, '26